February!

Well, it's February. January flew by. Time always flies when I'm unemployed. I enjoy being unemployed. But I'm not anymore! I've been working for the last 5 days. Yahoo! I am a leasing consultant at an apartment complex in Tumwater, WA. So far, it's good but it's a TON of information that I have yet to absorb and I'm working totally alone tonight. I could really screw things up. The apartment complex has weird weird weird addresses and I get really lost just driving through.... It shall be interesting.

What else? Josh and I have decided to "elope"... not that we are going to run off somewhere but once we have money hanging around, we are gonna go down to the courthouse and get it done. It will be a last minute decision. I'm totes into that. Spontaneity makes me happy. 

It didn't snow at all this winter! I'm amazed! It was awful last year. So, I'm happy about that. I love how cold it is here. Not freezing, of course, but perfect cold. Always 30-40 degrees. Loooove it.

What else? Hmmm, nothing! Until next month ;)

2013

It's here it's here it's here! 2013 is here! And I guess it's time to reflect on all that happened in 2012.

I started this blog a year ago with intentions of posting and organizing my thoughts on a daily basis. That didn't exactly work out.... I ended up only thinking for myself 1-3 times a month! That isn't near enough. I feel like if I had taken the time every day to sit down with just myself and my thoughts, I would have been a much happier person in 2012. So, what happened?!

I vacationed in the Caribbean-one of the most beautiful places in the world with the best granny I have.

I moved to Western Washington to be with the man that I love.

I started work in the "real world."

Josh and I moved into our own place.

I turned 23.

I got engaged.

I quit my miserable job.

What else? That feels like all that I have accomplished. Looking back, I feel like 2012 went by really really fast and really kinda sucked. Having a job that you hate really changes your outlook on life and how you feel about the other aspects of your life. I don't wish that on anyone.

I guess for 2013 I will make it a goal to find work in something that I am passionate about. I also will get married. I am planning on November buuuuut I'm going to convince Josh to elope ;) It'll happen and it'll happen soon. Look out 2013, 13 is my favorite number. Imma OWN YOU!

I'm looking to kick my old habits and become a successful person!!!!! Who will you be?

The Spirit

It's here! The winter season is here and it's only Veteran's day! It was 25 degrees and it's raining! If I were back in Eastern WA I'd be in the snow. Also, it's dark by 430pm.

Soooo, what has happened recently?

Well, I turned 23 on October 26th. I also got engaged! Whoa, life, slow down! Ha. It's so much fun though. I'm having an awesome time being young and in love with my fiance and learning more and more about this life thing.

My job? Still EFF-freaking sucks. But on the plus side, I'm half way done! I started in June and I'm leaving in April. 5 months down, 5 more to go. I will try my hardest not to gain 20 pounds and become an alcoholic between now and April, but I make no promises. Anyone wanna pay for me to get a psychologist? Seriously, the nightmares are getting bad.....

But anyway! It's the weekend and it's been a festive one at that! I bought a crockpot and have been cooking! And if you know me...that's rare.  I put up my Christmas tree and lights. Don't judge me! I know it's only November 11, but I'm feeling extra festive this year. I feel like a lot of people are feeling it too. This year is different for me. It's my first holiday season away from my family. I will also be alone from 5am December 25 until 10pm January 1. Josh is going to Idaho to be with his family. So I'll be here, drinking the nog and snuggling the dog. Ha that rhymed!

Anyway, that's all for now.

These people....

I honestly worry about the good people in this world when there are people like my clients roaming around. Why can't we just imprison retards who are legitimately bad? By bad I mean retards who intentionally hurt people and rape children. I am having a really difficult time accepting faith when I know there are such terrible people that HE created and who WE do nothing about!!!!! They RAPE CHILDREN, for goodness sakes!!!!! I just don't understand why a retard gets privileges that a normal person doesn't get. There are some innocent normal people who get put in prison for crimes they didn't commit! Yet, there are guilty retards who committed terrible crimes (with EVIDENCE!!!!) and they get off scott-free. No, even better.... (see my other blog on all the benefits of being a retard....)

I'm just heart broken about this today.

My staff mowed the lawn yesterday, which is just a small part of what our job entails-ya know, slaving over retard's yards, food, finances, etc... While my staff was mowing, my client snuck out (at 5pm...), went next door, and asked the neighbor man "Where are your kids? Can I play with them?" Luckily the man thought he was weird and said no and even went further by saying "I do not feel comfortable disclosing that information to you!" (Bravo neighbor man!) So, my client turned around and snuck right back in the house, again, without my staff noticing.
My client knows DAMN well that this is NOT OKAY!!!!!!! He has had a judge explain to him and his therapist, doctor, psychiatrist, friends, family, and hundreds of staff  explain to him that this is completely UNACCEPTABLE behavior. He knows he cannot have ANY contact with children. He can't ever be near them. He can't watch movies that have ANY kids in them. He knows he has to be WITH STAFF (within an arms length) at ALL TIMES when he chooses to go outside of the house. And yes, he needs to be able to be seen or heard by staff 24/7, even in his house. However, we can't watch or hear him every minute of the day because we are required to do things, such as mow...

I have no doubt in my mind that my client would have abused the neighbor's sons within 3 minutes, had the man let his kids "play" with my client. This man approached my staff while she was outside again today and asked to talk to her about "the man with the mustache." Though he knows nothing of my client's background, he knew it was odd that he asked him about his kids. In our position, we canNOT tell ANYone ANY specific info about our clients, even if the ones who question are in immediate danger because of my client. This means we have to be crafty liars and give vague responses and act like bitchy clueless airheads. It is my JOB to PROTECT my CLIENT!!!! (Though ya'll should know I'd knock him out in a second if he even DARED to try to hurt someone on MY WATCH). Again, I have a moral issue with this..... with my JOB.

I worry about people's safety. I worry about my staff and I worry about myself. What if my client is in one of his moods?--The mood where he is uncontrollable and unstoppable and no matter what you say, he won't slow down... (This happens often). What if he's in one of those moods in public and he sees exactly what he wants and always prefers: 2-6 year old little boys? What if he goes after this child and upon trying to protect the child (which I would do in a HEARTBEAT), my client severely injures me? He's hurt MANY staff before, and over the smallest of issues (i.e. My client attacked his job coach 2 months ago because "she looked at me!" even though she wasn't in the same room as him when he snapped....Paranoia much? Needless to say, he was fired---FINALLY SOOOOOME justice. But I digress....) He has the strength of a full grown male chimpanzee! If this angry chimp man sees his boy candy, there's no stopping him until there's blood or physical police restraint.

Phew. I just have so many thoughts and so much anger and sadness built up inside of me because of this and because of everything I have experienced as the 'home coordinator' of these 2 clients since July. I cry a lot.

I'm on my knees begging, please, "let there one day be justice." And "Please LORD, help me find a new job soon-ANYthing!!! Please please please please."

Getting Away

Going to the homeland is always the best thing. I haven't enjoyed Western Washington so far. So, it was amazzzzzing to be able to go to the east side for nearly 4 days over Labor Day Weekend. I got to see my family and my best friend. I got to go to my favorite bar, dance with my boyfriend, go to the river, play beer pong and play Apples to Apples for hours. Oh, and eat at Applebees and The Breakfast Club. Mmmm bomb food. All of the trip really made me want to move back home. I almost considered just calling my boss and quitting and staying in Spokane. But I couldn't. I have to wait this out until April.

My job is really dragging me down and making me miss my family sooo much. I'll move home as soon as I can. If not Spokane, then Boise. Anywhere East of that gorgeous stupid mountain.

I don't know what else to say. But here's some awesome pics of my weekend! haha

The cushy life

When I die, I want to be reincarnated as a mentally retarded white American male. Here's why:

I get free health care. Absolutely free.

I get $1000 deposited into my bank account every month just because I am here

If I am able bodied, I may work. People will FIND ME a job and HELP ME do my job AND I'll get paid over minimum wage to do it.

If I rape children, I won't go to jail. Nope. I'm special. I'll get off scott free! I'll be put in a different program where I can live in my house, watch TV, eat whatever I want and wear whatever I want. I just have to have a 'babysitter' watch me to make sure I'm not naughty.

My 'babysitters' will be pretty young women who make LESS than I do and will cook and clean for me allllll day. They'll help me purchase anything I want. They'll drive me around to everywhere I want to go. And I can be BIG JERKS to them and if they try to defend themselves or say anything back, I'll get them arrested simply by saying "She yelled at me!" Also, if I were to go out in public with my 'babysitter' and touch a child, my 'babysitter' will be the one who gets arrested for neglect because she SHOULD be able to somehow protect the entire community and me while I go out in public. Oh, but if she touches me in any way to prevent me from hurting someone, I'll get her arrested....

....Is there something wrong with this picture?! Ughhhhh. Things get REALLY EFFING difficult at work and I cry in disbelief almost every day. I just can't believe that there are humans like this on this earth. I have been learning too much about the bowels of society and I am at my wits end. I am about to leave this job and I can't wait to feel like me again and feel something hopeful...

Sunshine and promotions

It's July now, folks! I have officially been working at my new job, LGH Residential Services, for 14 days. On friday, the owner of the agency called me and told me that she is so impressed with my work that she is immediately promoting me to house manager. It's been an amazingly overwhelming job and I can say that this is the most I've ever worked at work. lol. I'm busy from 8am-4pm. There are no breaks or chill time. But so far, I like it! My clients are cool dudes. They have CRAZY pasts and are community protection. Google that if you don't know what it means. I have a moral issue with their backgrounds, but I am able to get passed them and give them the best care that I can.

On another note, summer has arrived in Western Washington. It's SO MISERABLE! Hot hot hot hot. I spent the day in my summer dress and eating snow cones downtown with my boyfriend. It's been a great day!

Love him :)

Tonight, one of Josh's friends is coming over to our house with his GF and we are gonna take jello shots and play beer pong. Time to break this new apartment in :) Josh's brother, who just moved to Moses Lake from Pocatello, is coming to stay with us for 2 weeks. He will get here tomorrow. 

Things are changing and changing FAST!!!! Change has a tendency to do that.... But it's been good so far!

Enjoy the sunshine, starshines! I'll be praying for fall to come quick, so enjoy it while you can ;)

LMFAO and Seattle

If you want to see man-ass and other manly bits jiggled in your face, then go see LMFAO! Not gonna lie, it was probably one of the best concerts I've ever been to. I felt like I was at a massive drunken strip club. It woulda been 10x crazier if I was drunk. My boyfriend should thank me for not being drunk because I probably would have ran away or gotten lost in a crowd surf. And that just wouldn't have been fair to him because this was HIS birthday present :) So luckily, I was sober! Most of my friends know how I get when there's loud music and alcohol...

Towards the end of the concert, a TON of confetti fell over the crowd. It felt so magical. It made me think of when I was a kid watching America's Funniest Home Videos. You know, at the end when the winner is announced and they are so surprised and excited and covered in confetti.... I've always wanted that to happen to me. So, thank you LMFAO, for fulfilling my childhood dream of being covered in confetti.

Along with LMFAO came Seattle. Just let me say.... I HATE THE CITY!!!! Driving is awful! And there's way too many people. And not, like, people that I can tolerate. I'm talking about uber-liberal, coffee-drinking, hipsters. Way too much urban/androgynous-ness going on in Seattle. It was absolutely nauseating. The only thing I like about Seattle is when I first see all of the buildings from the freeway. But once I hit the streets, I just want to run back home to my wheatfield. I imagine Seattle was AMAZING in the 90's. But 2012 hit and trashed the city and now it is a place I don't ever want to go again. Take a minute to just sit there and picture how TERRIBLE it will be when the Zombie Apocalypse hits. First of all, I know it's going to start in Seattle because UW will probably fuck something up in their science lab. Second of all, zombies dressed in black leather with fashion scarves and 'emo' haircuts might possibly be the most terrifying thing I can conjure up in my imagination. Thanks a lot, hipsters, for RUINING black for me. And thanks a lot, Seattle, for ruining Zombies for me. I prefer my zombies wearing overalls in the Bayou.

Ahem, back to 2012...Maybe I just don't like the modern world and its style. I dream of the old days. Back when people weren't over-worked and when family was a priority. When women knew how to cook and sew. When you had to actually go INTO a library to research. I think I was born in the wrong era. This is why I prefer small towns. They tend to have an 'older' atmosphere. Cities are not where I feel comfortable. Let me take a moment to mentally kick cities, coffee, hipsters, she-men/man-she's, emo zombies and technology in the face! POW POW BAM POW !!!!

Okay, okay. I'm over it. Buh-bye Seattle. And LMFAO--you EFFING ROCK!!!! :)

  

Detox

Ever since the "lack of water" incident, I have been trying really hard to be healthy. It's been going on for two weeks now....the healthy thing. I have been doing really well. I am LOVING my gym and eating healthier foods has been easier than I thought it would be. After a few days, my body got used to not consuming so much salt and sugar. It's like going through a detox. And it feels amazing! After work today, I went grocery shopping with an empty stomach. Everyone knows that's a bad idea, but I did it anyway; Call it a test. When I used to shop hungry I would jump straight to the frozen fat food isle. Yuck! Today, I spent most of my time in the produce isle. The junk foods I usually gravitate to didn't even catch my eye. I was only tempted once by my dearest fruit snacks and their colorful squishy wonder! I touched the box then said to myself out loud, "No, I don't need that." I was so proud of myself! That proud feeling is one that only a person who has had a lifelong issue with food, like me, could understand.

My fridge is now filled with strawberries, apples, carrots, spinach, etc. Yes, that is what I spent my tax return on! The only downside to eating healthy is that it isn't as cheap as the crap food :( It's just an adjustment I am going to have to make in my budget. And for the first time EVER, I'm okay with it :)

The value of water

I never realized how precious water was until I had to go a full 7 days without it. SEVEN DAYS! Imagine it. No shower. No drink from the tap. No flushing the toilet. No cooking. No washing dishes. For a week, I lived off of canned pineapple, peanut butter sandwiches, carrots, and yogurt. I think I've lost 10 pounds in a week.... okay not really but it feels like it. Based on my behavior this week I have come to the following conclusion: When I have easily accessible water I am fat and lazy. Here's why.

I couldn't flush the toilet. Therefore I couldn't go potty at my house! (well, sometimes I did go pee pee in the potty but imagine a week of mine and roomie's pee pee in the potty....STINKY....). I had to get my butt down to the 7-eleven down the road in order to use the bathroom. I, unfortunately, can't go outside because I don't have an "aimer" as the boys do and "popping a squat" isn't acceptable female behavior. That alone forced me to work more in order to go to the bathroom and to really appreciate having a potty in my own house.

I couldn't take a shower. So, I put my "thinking cap" on and signed myself up for a free 7-day trial at 24 hour fitness JUST so I could take a free shower every day. Since I had the membership, I decided to start working out. That triggered something inside me. I realized I liked working out! I got Josh involved and we both signed up for a membership through LA Fitness (cuz 24 hour sucks and was too far away from home). No water, essentially, pushed me to exercise my fat butt.

I couldn't cook. Now, when I say cook, I really mean "make macaroni from a box." I need water to make macaroni. Is macaroni healthy? Nope. No sir. And I used to eat it just about every day. So, without my precious water, I couldn't make my carb-loaded pasta. I lived off of veggies, fruit, yogurt and sandwiches. Waterless-ness made me eat healthier.

Water helped me become healthier because of my inability to cook, shower and potty. And now that I think about it, I appreciate water being gone for a week. It helped me realize how much I rely on water and how easy I have it (even though I'm beyond broke)! It also gave me thoughts such as, "Oh, no wonder Africans are skinny. They have to walk 5 miles to get a bucket of water from a contaminated well" (jk). Now that I know what it's like to live without water, I promise myself to NEVER go without it again. Though, yes, it was good for me in certain ways, it really really pissed me off. Waking up in the middle of the night and really having to go to the bathroom and having to drives 2 miles down the road just to go to the bathroom is NOT fun. So here's a tip: PAY YOUR BILLS ;) And appreciate all the simple things you have in your life that you wouldn't even think twice about. One day, it could be gone.

The ghetto life

I have a feeling my life is going to quickly be filled with things I have never experienced before. For example, I woke up this morning only to discover that our water had been shut off. The boys forgot to/didn't have the money to pay the bill. That means no shower, can't flush the toilet and can't drink... And I'm so sick! All I WANT to do is shower and drink water and pee every 30 minutes. When whining about it to my boyfriend, he said "You are so picky." He has had to live like this, "in worse conditions," his entire life---the whole being broke and forgetting/not having enough money to pay the bills. Then it dawned on me... for the millionth time...

I am so blessed to be born into the family I was and to have been raised the way that I was. I had parents who made plans. They were married 5 years before they had me. They saved every penny they had to ensure that their children could be completely cared for. They drove cheap, fuel efficient cars until they couldn't be driven anymore! They rarely went out to eat or to the bar or to a movie. They sacrificed a lot of "fun time" so that they didn't ever have to worry about bills. I grew up with a full pantry, health insurance, a clean house and parents who cared enough about me to make something of themselves BEFORE they had me. They educated themselves and they BOTH worked.

I take a look around at those people that have multiple cars, go out to eat all the time and buy a bunch of crap and suddenly it all makes sense to me.... It's all about priorities. Finances, safety, support and protection were my parent's priorities. Fun, expensive food, games and toys are priorities to others. In this moment I make the decision to NOT be the latter. I WANT to follow in my parents footsteps. It's not going to be easy. It's really HARD to think in the way my dad does, especially when I am surrounded by those who are irresponsible. But I have a choice. I CAN choose how I spend my money and how to rank my priorities. I refuse to live in this ghetto life forever. Things may be hard right now, but I swear to myself and to the kids I will ONE DAY have, that I will improve my financial situation and I WILL move forward in life. I owe it to myself, to them, and to future generations. I'm already a step ahead of others. I have a degree. I will be starting a job. I want to go FURTHER, and I WILL.

So think about it.... what are YOUR priorities? It's all about choices. Let's make the RIGHT ones :) Oh, and cheers to smart parents! The best thing you can do for your kids is to make something of YOURSELF BEFORE you have them. Otherwise, you're just being irresponsible and selfish....